I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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