I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
