I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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