I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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