You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
