I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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