hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
