bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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