Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
