so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
