she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
