That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
