I am midnight drunk by noon
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
