im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The Olympian is in my bed
A bitchslap is in order.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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