that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
