Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
