I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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