**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
