Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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