Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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