New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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