i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i've created a new STD.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
