just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
