You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
