I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
