ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
