Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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