can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
