My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
