Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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