so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
