So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
