A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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