Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
