its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
