listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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