So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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