Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
