We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
