you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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