it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
