pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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