the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
