trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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