I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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