I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
