We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
