do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
