Girls should come with a carfax report
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
