I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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